The Things that Could Have Been
by phantomofhogwarts
Summary: Severus finds a written confession from Hermione of her feelings, but its too late...


Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns everything. I just borrow her characters every once in a while.

The Things that Could Have Been

Severus Snape held the yellowed parchment against his chest, slow tears rolling down his pale skin. He had vowed not to read it ever again, for the hundredth time. He knew it was a promise he would not keep, a promise he had not kept since the first time he read it and the first time he had vowed to never look at it again.

The battle was over. He had known it was coming; he could feel it in his very soul. He had prepared himself for it, not sure which side would win, not knowing who would survive. He had cleared himself of all feelings and thoughts he could have left inside him, especially those of a certain bushy haired Gryffindor know-it-all who he knew was not a silly girl anymore but a beautiful young woman, wise beyond her years. He did not want anything or anyone stopping him from what he had to do.

And then said Gryffindor had burst into his office. Blushing and never looking him in the eye, she had thrust an envelope in his hands saying he should open it, that it was a parting gift. He had sneered at her knowing it was a trap, buboter puss perhaps, most likely from boy wonder and his sidekick. Even before the battle they had to poke fun one last time and didn't even have the courage to come themselves but sent Hermione instead… But he had been blind. He had never thought she would look at him as anything else that the greasy git and the murdering traitor.

If only he had looked her in the eye, perhaps he could have seen…he sighed.

He still did not believe he had survived. He couldn't believe he had not been sent to Azkaban. After Voldemort's downfall all the surviving Death Eaters had been to court, under Veritaserum. It had been a long and grueling process but it had been effective. He had been acquitted of Dumbledore's "murder". After all the old man had ordered him to, he was to save young Draco from a horrible fate and he need not feel bad because he was dying anyway, the poison from the horcrux in was killing him and there was no stopping it. Yet he knew most of the wizarding world still considered him a murderer and he indeed hated himself for killing Dumbledore. But although he gained his freedom he had lost something that was irreplaceable.

He remembered it well, it had been only a few months ago. Harry and Hermione were both approaching a fallen Voldemort who he had just injured. The Dark Lord was still shocked that his trusted spy was really not on his side. Hermione had started to throw a body-binding curse at him when a masked death eater appeared from the shadows and cast Avada Kedavra. All he had seen was the silver blonde hair flowing from behind the mask and heard Potter's scream of terror.

He looked at the parchment once more:

_Dearest Severus,_

_I do not know how to say this and don't even know if I want to, but know I must. For the past two years I have kept a secret that not even Albus Dumbledore himself could have known. I began to admire you in my fifth year when I knew you were part of the Order. Although I never though Dumbledore could be wrong to trust you, you were still not a nice or friendly man. But I knew you should be respected. I never expected that respect and admiration could turn to love. Yes, it is true. I do not know when it happened but one day I knew that I had fallen in love with you. If you do not believe me then think of this. The necklace I put in this package was mine, I wore it every day. I'd like you to have it as proof of what I say._

_I know now what you are thinking. You are disgusted and probably crumpling this parchment but please, please read this through at least once. I do not know what will happen tomorrow or the next day but we all know the war is coming. I never expected something to happen and if we both survive I don't expect anything too. But if I die or you die, I will always regret not telling you the truth._

_Dearest Professor, now you known the truth. Why I always asked you those questions in class and always stayed behind, why I always came to your office hours. Good–bye Severus Snape, now and forever._

_Love, _

_Hermione_

When he was allowed back to his office he had found the unmarked envelope among other things. At the time he had not known what it was, but when he opened he immediately recognized the perfect handwriting. He read the first line and was intrigued and surprised.

He was shocked as he proceeded, tears welled in his eyes for the first time in years. Severus couldn't believe it. She had felt the same. The whole time she had felt the same. And now she was gone. The only thing that could have made him happy in the world, the only person who understood him and cared about him and she was gone. Damn Lucius Malfoy! He had killed the thing most precious to him. He was sorry for every insult, every snide remark, every sneer, every point deducted. But there was nothing he could do now except grieve.

He shed tears for the memory of his Hermione and the things that could have been.

A/N: I hope you guys like it, its been a plot bunny that's been jumping around in my head so long, it was giving me a headache! Sorry if its a bid oddly written, Its my first attempt at angst. Please read and review!


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